i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
