Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
