We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
