yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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