Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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