Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
