There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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