I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
