Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
