Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize