He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
