i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
