Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
