in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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