you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
