i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
