dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
