He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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