She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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