In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
