at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
