I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
