people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
