idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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