How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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