Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
