You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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