a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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