I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
BRING THE BAGELS
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
