All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
