Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize