you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
