just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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