ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
