thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
