Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Operation Purity has been aborted
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
