I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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