11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize