I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
