if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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