Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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