Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
