yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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