it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
