i'm lost and i look like a hooker
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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