my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
