This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize