i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
