I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
