fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
