Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
