i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
