HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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