She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
