I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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