yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
