Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
