I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
