Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
