i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
