This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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