I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
