All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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