Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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