she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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